Mind your own beeswax!

Alrighty, let me lay down the law here.

It’s NOT okay to ask a childless married couple, “So, when are you going to have a baby?” At a family function last weekend, we were asked more times than I can count. I think it’s astoundingly rude. An acceptable question is, “Do you plan to have children?” but even that should be reserved for people who know us well. If we don’t know each other’s name, assume that you shouldn’t be asking such a question at all.

For one thing, what if we simply do not want to have children? Not everyone wants to have children. Secondly, what if I am unable to have children? I have endometriosis! Or what if I’ve had miscarriages? And lastly, it’s our business when we chose to have kids. We could decide to have them now, or in 5 years. I think it’s a very, very private question.

I spent three years fielding “When are you going to get married?” even from near-strangers. It was truly nobody’s business if or when we decided to get married.

And then, when we DID get engaged, people would ask me, “How did Matt propose?” Matt didn’t propose. It was a discussion and mutual agreement, which worked fine for us. I didn’t feel the need to have a staged “surprise” proposal after we had already decided to get married. We were already happy as could be with our decision!

AND THEN…there were the glances, and then looks of shock-cum-pity at my naked right hand. No, I did not have an engagement ring. No, I did not want one.

Okey dokey, my rant is over. Thanks for listening!

Finally Legally Changing My Name

Can you believe I’ve been married for over a year?

Matt and I celebrated our first anniversary last week, on September 22nd. And, embarrassingly enough, I still haven’t legally changed my name. I’ve been going by Kristine Munroe-Mahoney since we wed but I never changed it.

I couldn’t change it until after our trip to China (because I couldn’t get the passport and visa changed in time for the trip) and then…well, I just got lazy.

The name changing process will force me to go to two locations that I despise: the RMV, and the Social Security Office. Two places plagued by long lines and surly personnel.

Oh well. I guess it’s gotta be done.

Venting: The Knot & The Nest

When Matt and I decided to get married, I signed up for this wedding site called The Knot. I visited once or twice and I absolutely hated the site.

I was certainly not your average bride to be, and most of my ideas came from a book called The Creative Jewish Wedding Books, which was sort of ironic considering neither of us are Jewish, but I picked up the book at the library because I did want to incorporate some of my Jewish heritage into the wedding. (My dad’s Jewish) It’s even more ironic because our wedding fell on Yom Kippur, a.k.a. a day of atonement.

Sorry, that was a tangent! I was sort of the anti-bride. I did everything myself, I didn’t have an engagement ring, and I bought my dress (not a wedding gown) for $34.99 at Filene’s Basement. So, I didn’t use TheKnot.com. And their little email newsletters were annoying.

And then, all of a sudden, after getting married, I was subscribed to their sister site, The Nest. I was getting constantly e-newsletters from them, which was annoying to begin with…until I began getting a regular magazine from them through the regular mail. I hate hate hate the magazine, yet as soon as I get it, I sit down and read it, my blood boiling more and more with each turn of the page.

I can’t even pinpoint why I dislike the magazine so much. It just bugs me. I can’t stand its articles about “how to talk to your spouse about finances.” Or “how to make your home in-law proof.” It also seems to send this message of, “Marriage is carefree and as a woman, I feel more valued now that I am married.” And it doesn’t cater to gay marriages at all. It assumes everyone getting married is a man and woman.

And then they have pictures of these glowing new married couples talking about their perfect house, their perfect home decor, with their perfect fake tans, and their perfect Lumineer teeth. Don’t get me wrong, I am wholeheartedly enjoying my marriage I just feel too off-beat to identify with any of these articles. Matt and I figured out how to talk about finances a long time before even deciding to get married and our house is cramped and usually messy and we’re happy this way. The magazine just feels too phony.

This magazine just rubs me the wrong way, yet I can’t NOT read it! I can’t bring myself to unsubscribe or toss it in the recycling bin unread.

And the worst part? I just visited TheNest.com for the first time before beginning this post, and saw that they have ANOTHER sister site: TheBump, for those trying to have babies or pregnant. Well, that’s one site I’ll be avoiding whenever it’s time to have kids.

OK, rant over.

Marital Rating Chart from 1939

My score: 5. I’m particularly guilty of the cold feet thing. I don’t wear “hose”, but if I did, it’s likely the seams would be crooked so my score would probably be a 4.

Boy, oh boy am I glad Matt didn’t see this checklist prior to marrying me! He sure would have changed his mind then.

Honeymooners on a Budget

In spite of the fact that Matt and I have been married for almost 8 months, we still have yet to take a honeymoon. We went to China two weeks after the wedding, but it was with Matt’s family (parents, siblings, aunts, grandmother, etc)…as fun as it was, it was definitely no honeymoon!

We had originally planned to take a summer honeymoon to Lussin, but then my sister moved her wedding up to this fall, so we decided to take less expensive honeymoon so we could concentrate on the wedding! We decided to plan to go to Bermuda instead. But then looking at our finances, Bermuda wasn’t really feasible either, especially because next summer Lussin is definitely happening — but as a big family trip, not a honeymoon.

I started getting upset because it looked like we were NEVER going to take a honeymoon…so I decided to start looking at places to go that we can drive to.

We settled on Assateague Island, Maryland. We went there when I was a kid, and it’s a great spot for a vacation. Nice beaches, and wild ponies running around!

The best part is that while looking for a hotel, we found an inn only 15 minutes from Assateague on Fenwick Island, Delaware and it’s only $69 a night!!! It’s a block from the beach and only a few miles from the Ocean City Boardwalk.

So, look at us!! Honeymoonin’ on a budget. So, it’s not a European island or a tropical island either…but it’s on the beach, it won’t hurt our pocketbook…and it’s the first time Matt and I will be taking a VACATION together that’s just us!!! It’s always been with family, spent visiting people, or it’s just been for the weekend.

I’m looking forward to spending a week as a beach bum. :-)

Hyphenation

I haven’t legally changed my name yet, because the idea of going to the social security office puts my stomach in knots. Anyway, it’s a good thing I didn’t go yet, because I decided that I’m going to hyphenate my name after all. I won’t get into the details of WHY because it’s a long ranty-type reason, but it’s just an FYI. :-)

Wainwright Bank, Fare Thee Well

I used Wainwright Bank since I first moved to Massachusetts nearly 4 years ago. After having a bad experience with Wells Fargo, a large bank in California, I wanted a smaller bank. Matt was using Fleet, which got purchased by Bank of America shortly thereafter. He was disappointed, because he used Bank of America in California and really wanted a new bank.

I loved Wainwright Bank. The tellers there were always friendly and nice. I usually went to the Watertown Square branch, because we lived just a few blocks away from Watertown Square at the time. I also liked the different things they did for the community.

After we got married, we merged our finances. I would have liked to have stayed with Wainwright, but unfortunately, we wound up choosing B-of-A. I freelance, so I have to go to the bank regularly to make deposits, and there isn’t a branch in West Newton Square (or even a SUM ATM). I was so sad to close my Wainwright account. But I have to admit, it’s nice not having to worry about finding a bank I can use.

Wedding Photos

We got an email from Michael Blanchard Photography, informing us that his hard drive crashed and he lost all of our wedding photos. We now are without any professional photographs of our special day. Understandably, we are very upset. Please send us any pictures you may have taken. Thank you.

The celebrating doesn’t stop!

We’re not going on a honeymoon until next summer. However, we are going traveling. A week from now, we will be in CHINA!!! It was a wedding present from Matt’s parents, and we will be traveling through China with his family. We will be going to Beijing, Shanghai, and Xian. Afterwards, we will be flying back via San Francisco. We will be spending a weekend in San Francisco and having two parties: a party at my parents house and a fancy Chinese banquet to further celebrate our marriage.

We’ll take a mini honeymoon (3-day weekend) to Woodstock, NH in the winter, but next summer, we’ll be taking our REAL honeymoon. We plan to go to Europe! I’ve never been anywhere in Europe, in spite of my mom being from there, and Matt’s been to Barcelona but only spent a few days there for a conference and didn’t get to see the sights.

We will be going to the island of Veli Losinj, Croatia, where my mom is from. In spite of it being in Croatia, the island is closer to Northern Italy in terms of heritage and Italian is the language primarily spoken there. (I’ll have to brush up on my Italian…beyond making small talk in Italian, the only things I know how to say are not very nice…) We will even have a place to stay. My nonna still owns a home there. So, next summer Matt and I will be taking our honeymoon…sitting at the beach, chowing down on fresh fish, and drinking wine. And we’ll get there via London, so we’ll get to experience another city.

The wedding was SUCH an amazing time, and sometimes when I realize it’s over, I get down in the dumps a little bit. But I have about a year until I can officially get down in the dumps. Our wedding might be over but by taking our honeymoon next summer, we have something else (almost as big as the wedding itself) to look forward to! And China will be incredible.

I can’t wait!!!

Hi, I’m still me!

OK, I tend to shy away from word feminist these days because it’s grown to be associated with man-haters. As a heterosexual newlywed, I am obviously not a man-hater. But in the purest sense of the word, I am a feminist. And as a married woman, there is something that really gets my goat: being referred to as Mrs. Matthew Mahoney. Or getting mail addressed to: “Mr. and Mrs. Matthew Mahoney.” NOOOOO!!! No, no, no! NO!

Something about that is offensive. It’s like complete loss of identity. One of the reasons I initially wanted to keep my last name is because I couldn’t stand the idea of being referred to as “Mrs. Matthew Mahoney.” I have a name, you know. I am still the same person I was a week ago, when I was legally single. I am not a silent shadow that follows Matt around. I’m not going to quit my job and wear an apron and have dinner on the table for Matt by 6 o’clock sharp.

I’d like to see this practice completely abolished. You can send things to “Matthew and Kristine Mahoney” or “The Mahoneys” or even “Kristine Munroe and Matthew Mahoney.”